Hello my friends! Long time No Write….

wordpressI don’t even know if there is that many of you who still follow this blog because I haven’t written in so long.  I have been doing well just haven’t been into blogging for a long time.  I see I have 30 comments to go through!  LOL

But all is well and the “new” thing in my life is I’m trying to start an online business selling handbags and accessories.  I have all the necessary tax certifications so that I can buy from wholesale distributors.  It’s alot of work but I really love it.

I’m still waitressing, live in the same house but may be moving by end of year.  Just can’t afford this big house any more.

So I hope the Lord is blessing you and keeping you and remember He has a plan for our life, and His timing is not our timing.  I’m being patient with the website thing, as I’ve spent countless hours working on it and no sales yet.  It’s been a couple months now but I really think God is going to bless me with prosperity and good fortune in the new future.

So anyway, I’d like to introduce you to my website and you can use a coupon code at checkout for 5% off.

Coupon code is WORDPRESS and receive a 5% discount on their first order!

www.handbags-n-more.ecwid.com

God Bless you all my friends!

Michele

my new email is:    http://www.handbags_n_more@yahoo.com   or you can still    http://www.byhisgrace211@yahoo.com

Hi Everyone Haven’t written in a long time

Hello my Christian friends,

Wanted to touch base with everyone and say I’m doing okay.  I’ve started a new at home business that I would like to share.  I would appreciate any support and encourage anyone who can help by re-posting to others in your list.  I also start a new job at the Outback Steakhouse on Thursday.  I have been unemployed for 3 weeks and times are tough.  But God blesses me and knows my needs.  It makes me cry sometimes how grateful I am to the Lord.

Thanks everyone and God Bless You!

Michele

http://www.mwood123.sbc90.com

http://www.mwood123.onebigpowerline.com

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Feeling Better

i feel better now

I just wanted to thank all of you for support and encouragement from my last post.  I am feeling much better and my thoughts have straightened out quite a bit.  The ground is not so shaky and I am seeing things in a better light.  A special thanks for those who commented:  Robert, Ulpal, Debbie, Jodi Lea, Noel and Laura.  You’re helpful insight and sober tools were a tremendous help.  Just knowing people care makes a big difference!  The world of blogging is truly amazing.  It never ceases to amaze me how people I have never met will reach out and give encouragement to a stranger.  There is still alot of love in this world and even though our world is in a fallen state, the love from people surely overcomes all evil.

I do realize I am not out of the woods yet and have to continue to be actively pursuing recovery on a daily basis.  Staying sober for me cannot be done without God and others like you.  It’s important that I keep my heart right with the Lord and stay in constant contact with Him.  Thank goodness for the Holy Spirit interjecting on my behalf when I am not able to pray.  It’s not that I am not able to pray, it’s more like I don’t always have the words to say what I need to say.  I especially find this to be true when I am in a darkened state of mind.  It’s like a barrier to prayer.

I am sure some of the people who read my blog may not have God as their Higher Power.  This is what works for me and I have tried many ways to remain sober in the past without God.  It never lasted.  I’m not quite sure how other people do it without God but I am sure there are many.  Although, I wonder how they get any peace and joy from not having God in their life.  But I will not judge your sobriety ways and ask you to not judge mine.  Do what works to remain sober.  Not everyone follows the same way and we all have to find what works.

So I have a very busy work week ahead of me and it starts in a couple hours so I better get ready for work.  Thanks again to all my friends who read this and may God bless all of us with peace and sober days this week.

Too Many Thoughts…

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I’ve been struggling.  I’ve been having daily thoughts of drinking and using.  Justifying.  Rationalizing.  Contemplating.  I find myself fantasizing about it and even though I try to quickly think of something else, it inevitably creeps its way back into my head.  Even if I am successful with replacing these thoughts with something else, I wind up dreaming about it!!  Not only am I dreaming about it, I am enjoying it in my dreams.  The dream is usually the same in context.  The context being I am always trying to get the drug and most the time am not successful.  I feel the stress in my dreams.  Always searching, searching for it.  The rare occasion that I am successful in actually getting the drug, once I ingest it in some manner, I don’t get high from it.  The other night I had a powerful dream where I almost felt the high and woke up gasping and sat straight up in bed.

I’ve been emotional and very irritable.  People  are pissing me off.  Traffic is pissing me off.  Even a kind word from a stranger pisses me off.  I want a flippiin’ drink or a pill to chill me out.   Not one pill, many pills.  I’m craving a margarita or three or four.   I know there may be a few factors as to why I’m feeling like this but it doesn’t really matter what those factors are.  I’ve thought about going to an AA meeting but those people will just piss me off too.

I’ve been sober for over a year now.  So wtf is going on?  I realize I am on very dangerous ground here.  All of this has the ear marks of a relapse.  I’m worried.  I’m scared.  I want to cry.   I’m tired.  I hate this.   Prayer isn’t helping.  Reading sobriety blogs isn’t helping.  Reading my own blog isn’t helping.  Nothing is helping.  I’m essentially white knuckling it.  And that is pissing me off too.

Ideation…

Many of us who suffer from addictions may also suffer from some form of mental illness. In my case, it is depression and extreme anxiety. I have met so many people through rehab centers and outpatient treatment centers who suffer from either Bipolar Disorder, Turrettes Syndrome and Schizophrenia. This is a post I found that gives you a good example of what a person with auditory hallucinations may hear. Also referred to as “hearing voices”.

Tell me what you think after listening to it.

HannahLoughridge

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We all view the world differently, it’s unique to each of us.. how would the world differ to those effected by mental health? How would someone with Schizophrenia view the world, paranoia, fear, depression would all change a person’s perception.

Sanity would be questioned, nightmare or reality?

This video is supposed to portray the world of a Schizophrenic.

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Warning Signs H.A.L.T

haltOne of the best things I’ve learning in recovery is this world “H.A.L.T.  It stands for:

Hungry

Angry

Lonely

Tired

These simple words can be a great warning sign for an alcoholic.  All of us out there who are trying to stay sober must live a life of self-care and self-awareness.  Taking care of ourselves is a daily thing.  Being self aware of our behaviors, emotions and feelings should also be  on a daily check list.

Many times a person has relapsed because we have let our self get too hungry, too angry, too lonely and too tired.  Being aware of H.A.L.T. can help warn us something is happening before we reach that breaking point.

Hunger 

We should make sure our hunger for food doesn’t get misplaced into anger anddonebestupods irritability.  I for one can relate to how people act when they are hungry.  I work as a waitress and it’s funny how irritable and short tempered my customers can be when they first sit down at the table and yet once I’ve gotten food in their stomachs they are sweet as pie towards me.  I also relate to the feeling of hunger because in the past I found that if I was hungry the craving to drink was intensified and my resistance and strength were low which of course is a dangerous position for a recovering alcoholic to be in.

Hunger can also be an emotional need we to be aware of.  Hunger can also manifest into being hungry for love, attention and understanding.  Hunger can accompany bad moods, unclear thinking, low energy and a decreased ability to cope.  In those moments when we may be feeling drained, overwhelmed or irritable, we should ask ourselves, “When was the last time I ate?

Anger

angryjpg

” tred lightly…. I’m a little po’d “

We all get angry and although this can be a healthy emotion, most of us manage anger in a destructive way, an aggressive way and act impulsively resulting in a negative consequence.  The first thing to do is acknowledge we are feeling angry and why we are angry.   The next step is diffuse this anger in a constructive way.  Some examples are taking a long walk, getting away from the situation to cool yourself down.  Try cleaning house or punching a pillow.  Make yourself sit down and say a prayer while taking deep breaths.  Another good release from anger is simply venting to another person.  Make sure it’s someone you trust and has the ability to calm you down.  However you choose to release your anger the first step is to recognize it when it starts.

Anger was a trigger for me when it came to relapsing.  I noticed that if I got upset with my parents or my boss, my first thought was to use.  This is an emotion I have to be in constant awareness and in control of.  Many times, my response was inflated because I hadn’t eaten all day.

Lonely

Prior to treatment, loneliness was a big trigger for me.  I have drank many a times becomes I was just simply “lonely”.  Many alcoholics mask these feelings of loneliness by abusing alcohol or drugs.  Once we start in recovery we are taught that loneliness can be very seductive.  When we feel alone we can also become depressed, overwhelmed and anxious.  Drinking when we are lonely doesn’t solve anything.  It can actually intensify the feeling oflonely dog loneliness and intensify our depression and anxiety.

The solution to loneliness is to turn to support systems and connect to others.  There are soooo many AA and NA meetings that can help us in our loneliness.  Staying plugged into a program of socializing with others that deal with the same problem is imperative to our recovery.  Stay close and tell your feelings to a family member or spouse is helpful too.

Tiredness

Tiredness takes a toll on our minds, bodies and spirit.  Tiredness can be a product of difficult circumstances and depressions.     Getting a satisfying nights sleep can be rejuvenating and get us back to feeling normal.  I for one suffer from insomnia.  It can be difficult to function sleepyday by day when I’m not getting enough of a rejuvenation sleep.  When we are running on empty our thought processes and ability to cope are severely comprised.  I become more sensitive.  Little things will bother me and my feelings get hurt easily.  This can make our daily lives very difficult.  I know this personally.  Sometimes we just need to take a day off work and sleep.  We need to be aware when we overly tied and its best to relax, put our feet up and just take care of ourselves and sleep as much as we need to so we can get back to normal and handle our responsibilities once we get the rest we need to do out best.

H.A.L.T. can serve as a reminder to all of us that we need to take care of our basic needs every day. For an addict, that is even more important because neglecting your wellbeing can lead to relapse. So, take a moment each day to stop and check in with yourself. Ask yourself, “Am I hungry, angry, lonely, or tired?

Spiritual Changes – Honesty

honestcat

We put the drink down.  Now what?  In my last post I wrote about how we need to have a spiritual change in our lives if we want to remain living a sober life.  So where do we start?

I believe we start with honesty.  If we’re not going to be honest with ourselves about our problem with alcohol than we might as well forget about all the other stuff involved in recovery.  It all starts with being honest with ourselves.  We stop lying to our self.  We stop lying to others.  We come clean and admit we’re out of control and need help.  We admit we can’t do it on our own.

So much of our lives revolved around falsehoods and lies (when we were in active addiction and actively drinking).  We would be sneaky about how much we drank and where we would hide it in the house.  We never told anyone the full truth about our drinking that is for sure.  At least, I know I didn’t.  They wouldn’t understand and they would be disappointed in me.  That’s what makes AA and other programs like it so amazing.  It is a room full of people who are just like me.  I don’t have to act like someone else or sneak around or feel ashamed of my behavior around these people.  I’m not real big on sharing honestwthe details of my drunken escapades and I don’t think anyone else is either.  We all have our stories of living in excess.  We all have our own horror stories.  What we DO want to talk about is the solution.  We want to talk about how to get better.  We want to focus on getting well and living a decent life. 

I think living a life of honesty takes some time though.  And I don’t think everything needs to be addressed in very early sobriety either.  People carry around a lot of hurts inside them.   Some of these hurts are very deep rooted and are best dealt with after getting a little sober time under our belt.  Stuffing down these hurts brings fuel to other behaviors.  It takes a lot of time to work through issues from the past.    So when I am speaking about honesty in this article, it is the honesty of admitting we have an addiction and we can’t get better on our own.  We admit we are powerless and need God to help us.  We admit we are alcoholic and reach out to someone in recovery to help us.  We become honest to ourselves and stop hiding behind our behaviors.

Most of us who get to the point of wanting a life of sobriety have been through A LOT of crappy things spread out over years and years.  Being able to hide within ourselves has been a means of defense and a means of survival our whole life.  Having to become honest with another person makes us feel very vulnerable and uncomfortable.  But it is within this vulnerable situation of being honest about ourselves and telling another person that a new freedom will enter your life!  Your shoulders will feel lighter.  You can lift your head a little higher when your walking.  You don’t have to be nervous about looking people in the eye because you are making a tremendous step to becoming a better you! 

Once we start getting honest with ourselves we will have a new freedom.  But being honest with ourselves isn’t just about the behaviors and things we need to fix or work on.  Being honest with ourselves is also recognizing the amazing and wonderful qualities we have!!  These qualities have been drowned out and drugged for a long time.  There may be something new you learn about yourself.  How cool would that be!?   Maybe you have an awesome sense of humor, so start cracking jokes again.  Maybe you’re really good at playing card tricks, so at your next get together with friends or family bring a deck of cards.   Maybe you have a nice singing voice but you haven’t been sober long enough to let yourself sing a whole song.  So make a point to sing every time you take a shower!  We have to be honest about the negative but we also have to be honest about the positive. betterperson

Recovering alcoholics and addicts are really amazing people.  Most of them are highly intelligent, will give you the shirt off their back, are the hardest working employee you will ever have and they are an amazing and dependable friend!  Alcohol and drugs change us from being those things.  It’s never too late to give up the drink.  It’s never too late to start getting honest and start becoming the person you want to be.

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